Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
