I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
