I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
