peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
