In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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