I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
