One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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