is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
