Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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