Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize