he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
