her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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