I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
