Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
