Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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