I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
