I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
