That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
