There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
