He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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