i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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