My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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