Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
