I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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