I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's never too late to be topless.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize