Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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