they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
