Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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