Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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