I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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