we're blogging at a bar
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
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HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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