My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
