i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
