we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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