you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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