Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
