Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
