Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
