Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
