mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
