last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
