I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
