I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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