U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That's when you crack a 10am beer
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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