they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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