I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
