Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
