For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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