The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize