Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
