you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize