I can tuck mytits in my pants
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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