Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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