You're completely useless in the revolution.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
