My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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