i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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