i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
