I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
