you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
