I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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